It has already been half a week since the passing of one of television's greatest sci-fi actors. As such, I feel I've had enough time to process what I wanted to say about him. Please take what I say below with a grain of salt, as I am fairly new to writing about dead people. NSFW for one use of the F-word.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Common procedure.
The weekend held a few exciting events for me.
-Le Femme Mystique
I've known for a month that I had an interview with the local queen of burlesque, Bella Sin. She runs Le Femme Mystique, a truly spectacular troupe that performs all over the CLE area. Friday was that day.
I was so excited for the interview that I left work at 1:30 when I'd normally stay until 3:00 or later. After running to Drug Mart for curlers, lashes and new leggings, I got home to shower, dry and hot-roller my hair, apply four layers of makeup, and select an outfit. I had no idea what to expect. Would there be a gaggle of gorgeous girls lined up neatly? Would we be expected to dance? Would we need to show off whatever talents we did possess?
Showtime. I arrived at the Beachland five minutes early, filled out my form, and waited my turn. It soon became clear to me that I was the only one to show up. This was confirmed when Bella herself led me to a small table for the interview and informed me that I had been the only one to turn in the online application, and the only one to attempt to get the job.
Now normally I don't like the idea of getting a job because nobody else showed up; however, I'd just been rejected from a musical that I'd turned down another play to audition for (and I'll cover that later), and any opportunity smelled like roses to me. I am now awaiting results, but I am cautiously optimistic about starting a new chapter in my performing career.
-Columbus
My friends contacted me a couple weeks ago and asked if I'd like to travel with them to Columbus to see a musical that never comes to Cleveland. I'd heard of Bare: A Pop Opera (and I'm pretty sure the director tried to offer me a role several years prior), but I'd never seen it nor heard the music from it. I happily accepted and we left Saturday afternoon.
Since the musical didn't start until 8:00 and we had arrived at 4:30, we decided first to stop at a renowned eatery in the German Village part of Columbus. Schmidt's was home to some of the finest German cuisine I'd ever tasted, and the sickness in my stomach hours later was worth it all the way. It wasn't any bug in the food; I'd eaten so very much that my stomach couldn't handle the richness. We started with pretzel bites, accompanied by what I can only describe as more flavorful honey mustard. From there we moved to the sandwich menu. I chose the Bavarian ham and cheese sandwich, and the portion was perfect, to say nothing of the sheer joy that enveloped my taste buds after the first bite.
I could go on about the restaurant and the chocolate shop and the knick knack store we visited afterward, but that isn't the point. After eating nearly too much to enjoy a walk, we made our way to the theatre, whose initials, ETC, are the only thing I can recall about the name. E-something Theatre Company.
The musical broke me. That's the only accurate way I can describe it. Sure the sound system needed improvement and some of the actors needed mics where others did not, but the plot, the songs, and the pain of seeing the characters deal with their demons (demons I share with them) just broke me. I cried in the theater and had to leave before getting to congratulate the actors so that I could attempt to get a grip on my emotions. The ride home was my sanctuary, as I was the driver and therefore had something on which I could concentrate.
-12 Angry Jurors
This one's quick. Saturday, on the drive to the theatre, I got a call from the man directing 12 Angry Jurors, which I'd originally dropped to audition for Jesus Christ Superstar. Since they'd rejected me, I was pleased when the role of Juror #2 was offered to me. I've since accepted, and that show begins in October.
Well... how are my writing skills, eh?
-Le Femme Mystique
I've known for a month that I had an interview with the local queen of burlesque, Bella Sin. She runs Le Femme Mystique, a truly spectacular troupe that performs all over the CLE area. Friday was that day.
I was so excited for the interview that I left work at 1:30 when I'd normally stay until 3:00 or later. After running to Drug Mart for curlers, lashes and new leggings, I got home to shower, dry and hot-roller my hair, apply four layers of makeup, and select an outfit. I had no idea what to expect. Would there be a gaggle of gorgeous girls lined up neatly? Would we be expected to dance? Would we need to show off whatever talents we did possess?
Showtime. I arrived at the Beachland five minutes early, filled out my form, and waited my turn. It soon became clear to me that I was the only one to show up. This was confirmed when Bella herself led me to a small table for the interview and informed me that I had been the only one to turn in the online application, and the only one to attempt to get the job.
Now normally I don't like the idea of getting a job because nobody else showed up; however, I'd just been rejected from a musical that I'd turned down another play to audition for (and I'll cover that later), and any opportunity smelled like roses to me. I am now awaiting results, but I am cautiously optimistic about starting a new chapter in my performing career.
-Columbus
My friends contacted me a couple weeks ago and asked if I'd like to travel with them to Columbus to see a musical that never comes to Cleveland. I'd heard of Bare: A Pop Opera (and I'm pretty sure the director tried to offer me a role several years prior), but I'd never seen it nor heard the music from it. I happily accepted and we left Saturday afternoon.
Since the musical didn't start until 8:00 and we had arrived at 4:30, we decided first to stop at a renowned eatery in the German Village part of Columbus. Schmidt's was home to some of the finest German cuisine I'd ever tasted, and the sickness in my stomach hours later was worth it all the way. It wasn't any bug in the food; I'd eaten so very much that my stomach couldn't handle the richness. We started with pretzel bites, accompanied by what I can only describe as more flavorful honey mustard. From there we moved to the sandwich menu. I chose the Bavarian ham and cheese sandwich, and the portion was perfect, to say nothing of the sheer joy that enveloped my taste buds after the first bite.
I could go on about the restaurant and the chocolate shop and the knick knack store we visited afterward, but that isn't the point. After eating nearly too much to enjoy a walk, we made our way to the theatre, whose initials, ETC, are the only thing I can recall about the name. E-something Theatre Company.
The musical broke me. That's the only accurate way I can describe it. Sure the sound system needed improvement and some of the actors needed mics where others did not, but the plot, the songs, and the pain of seeing the characters deal with their demons (demons I share with them) just broke me. I cried in the theater and had to leave before getting to congratulate the actors so that I could attempt to get a grip on my emotions. The ride home was my sanctuary, as I was the driver and therefore had something on which I could concentrate.
-12 Angry Jurors
This one's quick. Saturday, on the drive to the theatre, I got a call from the man directing 12 Angry Jurors, which I'd originally dropped to audition for Jesus Christ Superstar. Since they'd rejected me, I was pleased when the role of Juror #2 was offered to me. I've since accepted, and that show begins in October.
Well... how are my writing skills, eh?
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Self.
Isn't it funny how you can spend an entire day working as hard as possible and still have a day's worth of energy left in you? And yet, inversely, you can spend a day doing very little except try to recharge, and it tires your body out to the point that you simply wish to sleep.
I harbor a lot of unusual rage in my body. I don't necessarily have it for a reason; it's just there. I'd like to think it's because I spend a lot of time being a nicer person than I should be and that the rage only comes out in those moments of weakness where I couldn't control the urge to call someone out on their bullshit. Unfortunately I think it stems more from the fact that I've let so many opportunities pass out of sheer discouragement that finally noticing this has caused me to close myself off for fear of letting loose and losing people.
A good example is the eggshells I sometimes walk on around my fiancé. We are usually very comfortable with each other and over the years we have gotten good at communication, but when I am truly very upset with him, I can hardly speak. I withhold myself because I (wrongfully) believe that if I let loose too quickly and don't consider my words, I could convince him I'm no longer worth his time or his love. Rather than sit and spew hurtful things, I clam up. I don't let him try to talk to me. I tell him, "I need some time alone to let the words surface out of the anger."
This generally ends up helping more than it hurts, but when it happens I get very annoyed with my insecurities and my difficulty with proper speech. I have not been diagnosed with anything more serious than anxiety and an attention disorder, and yet it seems perhaps there is something blocking me from reaching my best self. It tires me out, when it seems I've hardly done anything at all.
What does one do when the words refuse to come as easily as they once did?
I harbor a lot of unusual rage in my body. I don't necessarily have it for a reason; it's just there. I'd like to think it's because I spend a lot of time being a nicer person than I should be and that the rage only comes out in those moments of weakness where I couldn't control the urge to call someone out on their bullshit. Unfortunately I think it stems more from the fact that I've let so many opportunities pass out of sheer discouragement that finally noticing this has caused me to close myself off for fear of letting loose and losing people.
A good example is the eggshells I sometimes walk on around my fiancé. We are usually very comfortable with each other and over the years we have gotten good at communication, but when I am truly very upset with him, I can hardly speak. I withhold myself because I (wrongfully) believe that if I let loose too quickly and don't consider my words, I could convince him I'm no longer worth his time or his love. Rather than sit and spew hurtful things, I clam up. I don't let him try to talk to me. I tell him, "I need some time alone to let the words surface out of the anger."
This generally ends up helping more than it hurts, but when it happens I get very annoyed with my insecurities and my difficulty with proper speech. I have not been diagnosed with anything more serious than anxiety and an attention disorder, and yet it seems perhaps there is something blocking me from reaching my best self. It tires me out, when it seems I've hardly done anything at all.
What does one do when the words refuse to come as easily as they once did?
Saturday, August 23, 2014
To take care of business: I didn't come here by choice. I was forced here by the inanity of Tumblr. Life is meant to be positive, and people are meant to love themselves and each other. That no longer happens between the cesspool of Tumblr users who claim they mean well and the ones who don't even try.
I enjoy a great many things. I love tattoos, piercings, unusual hair colors, unusual body types. I love Doctor Who, even though I fully acknowledge the errors in syntax and choice of head writer. I love to read. I love having a label that allows me peace of mind. I love telling other people about the traits and qualities they possess that make me adore them. I love making people happy.
On my old blog I would sometimes post a picture or two of myself, as captured in an attractive manner. I was often abused by anonymous blogs for being 'easy' and 'bitching' when I asked porn blogs to remove their reblogs of my (fully clothed) photos.
Those days are done.
Here, I will not be reblogging anything. I will, however, blog about the things that are pleasing to me. I no longer care whether the things I post are pleasing to others. I no longer have to cater to anyone.
I am Ellie, and I am here for myself.
I enjoy a great many things. I love tattoos, piercings, unusual hair colors, unusual body types. I love Doctor Who, even though I fully acknowledge the errors in syntax and choice of head writer. I love to read. I love having a label that allows me peace of mind. I love telling other people about the traits and qualities they possess that make me adore them. I love making people happy.
On my old blog I would sometimes post a picture or two of myself, as captured in an attractive manner. I was often abused by anonymous blogs for being 'easy' and 'bitching' when I asked porn blogs to remove their reblogs of my (fully clothed) photos.
Those days are done.
Here, I will not be reblogging anything. I will, however, blog about the things that are pleasing to me. I no longer care whether the things I post are pleasing to others. I no longer have to cater to anyone.
I am Ellie, and I am here for myself.
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